I have four or five pairs of socks that I find highly problematic. These are the kind of socks, like above, where one is designated left, while the other right.
It took me a while to recognize + accept my feelings about these items, but accept i did, and recognized it i have. The purpose of this post is to allow you to recognize your own feelings, and come to terms with your uniqueness as a human being in a conformist world. Don’t let the sock tell you what’s right man.
Because out of all the items of clothing I’ve got, socks should be the easiest thing. They should be universal. Because socks are special. They are small crumpled things that you put on your feet in the most vulnerable times and positions.
Consider, you’re waking up. You reach for the sock and put it on. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes you struggle to get it on, pull it up. Either way, you’re done and the next step is usually to stand up. Because you’re fucking done man. You’ve gotten dressed and it’s fucking over man.
But no. You look down (sometimes it’s not easy to do so) and you see that you’ve fucked up. NO. The sock is telling you that you’ve fucked up. You have attempted the easiest most basic task in life and failed. You haven’t even managed to get dressed properly, and the day’s just started so you’re fucked. What’s next, you ask? How can i go on? Why isn’t suicide the only option left.
Resistance is your only option. Don’t commit suicide over the sock, after all, nobody saw it except you and the sock.
Justice.
One sock should feet many feet, not simply left or right feet, but feet of a range of sizes. The sock should be universal. You can pick out your shirt from a pair of pants, your hat from a sweater. Why can’t a sock be simple to identify and a no-brainer to put on?
Victims of sock over-reach.
You have to ask, who the fuck designs these things. They must do so on computers, on software that makes algorithmic generalizations about my feet. Generating tubes that are just way too cozy, an over reach of the bespoke. Designed to fit every left foot as long as it’s the idealized left foot of a fucking computational model.
Perhaps it’s worse than the covid models. Don’t get me started.
The menace.
I would like to suggest that L and R socks are an international menace. The sock designers could be brought to justice, if only the government had their priorities sorted out. Like what the fuck are they thinking?
Maybe the UN could do a report. Can you ask them?
Who thought this would be a good idea? Who’s idea was it to put the L and the R on the sock. And finally, who thinks that wearing an L and a R sock correctly will give them some kind of an advantageous sock experience, or worse, an advantage in some kind of life competition. All of the above are guilty of being a menace to the tranquil fitting of universal socks.
How many have suffered?
I don’t know how I ended up with four pairs of these, but I’m not even going to give them away. I will burn these, next time I burn something in the garden (which is never). I don’t care if 2 billion feet go un-socked.